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Why Derek? He was harmless, he had a heart of gold and he was probably one of the most affectionate and loving men I know. He always told us he loved us. He was so funny too, he always knew how to make us laugh from the time he was able to talk. I had my rows with him through the years, gave him a hard time for some of the choices he was making in life and about his drug use, but only because I cared and wanted the best for him. It does still make me feel guilty now. My mam said to me that there was some vodka in her apartment that I could take, so I text Derek Dez and said I would be over to get some and he said no bother.

The feckers had drank most of it and topped it back up with water. We had a laugh and I left them with the watered down vodka and told them to have a good night.

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Dez gave me a hug and said thanks Chelle. I knew he was thanking me for not giving out to him for having crowds there. That was the last time I heard his lovely laugh and the last hug I got from him. How can parents bury their own child. How are they coping? When I think of how they must feel my heart feels like its shattering into a million pieces. They are the strongest people I know and they are there for me and my brother, Robert and encourage us both to talk about our feelings and ask how we are doing every day as do we with them.

But how do they do it when their own hearts are broken. I worry about them both every single day. My brother Robert. He worries about everybody and always wants to be sure that we are all okay even though his heart has been ripped out. He adored Derek and did everything he could to protect him.

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He was always there for Derek no matter what and they were as close as brothers could be and everyday on Whatsapp. Rob still goes to send Derek links on articles about football or whatever. He is a broken man now, but still makes sure everybody else is okay before himself. He is one of a kind and I love him very much. It hurts me seeing him hurting so much. Hes kept busy with his 3-year-old torment of a daughter, Emma.

Torment in the sweetest way is what I mean! My only niece. Boy, did he adore her. She is talking now and he will never get to see all of that. She will never remember the love that Derek had for her or the bond they had. She loves her uncle Derek and talks about him all the time. She sings the new Adele song and I cry every time. They are just some of the things that go through my head. Some of the pain I feel, and some of the sorrow that I carry around with me most days. My Mam has taken her heartbreak and put it into something that is there to help prevent any other family from going through exactly what she has.

Think about what you are leaving behind. Try and understand that you are so loved and everyone in your life will do anything to save you.

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Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me that we could help save another family from this heartache, and also save many more precious lives. For you Dez. I love and miss you every second. Thank you for the strength you give me, for the good days, and keep looking over us all. I feel you with me sometimes. Rest in paradise my love. Michelle Ross is a year-old fashion and beauty blogger. Pieta House, the Centre for the Prevention of Self-Harm or Suicide, offers a specialised treatment programme for people who have suicidal ideation or who participate in self-harming behaviors.

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The service is free of charge, but donations are welcome. The specialised treatment programme offers a comprehensive service aimed at individuals and their families who are affected by:. Michelle is appealing to everyone to sign up to this years Darkness into Light walk which takes place around the country. It takes place on 7th May starting at 4. All registration fees go directly to Pieta House. Remember this year for the first year, you can select Fairyhouse as your chosen venue. You can obtain a copy of the Code, or contact the Council, at www.

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Michelle Ross. My phone rang a couple of moments later and my life changed forever. My life changed from that day on Derek My whole heart literally shattered in pieces. Seeking help I kicked up a bit of a fuss on the phone and told them exactly what I thought. A broken heart My heart is broken. My heart is broken not only for me, but for my family too. My Mam and Dad. Pieta House My Mam has taken her heartbreak and put it into something that is there to help prevent any other family from going through exactly what she has.

The specialised treatment programme offers a comprehensive service aimed at individuals and their families who are affected by: Multiple suicidal attempts Suicidal ideation Continuous self-harming behaviors Darkness into Light Michelle is appealing to everyone to sign up to this years Darkness into Light walk which takes place around the country. Helplines: Samaritans — Console — Aware — Pieta House — 01 Teen-Line Ireland — Childline — 66 66 66 for under 18s turn2me.

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Short URL. About the author:. About the author. See more articles by Michelle Ross. Contribute to this story: Send a Correction. Read next:. Your Email.